…Well, That Was a Long Break

Only I would manage to let eight long months go by before writing my blog again! Reading back on previous blog posts, it’s honestly insane quite how much my life has changed – sadly for the worst for the most part.

I stopped writing my blog in June, which was when a lot of family issues occurred that I won’t be talking about on here just for the sake of privacy. We’re all okay, but it’s safe to say we’ve had a lot of police, court dates and stress. As much as I’ve struggled with some depression, anxiety and overall endured somewhat of an identity crisis since, I think writing this blog will definitely help.

I’m having a bit of difficulty understanding my own emotions and passions – it all seems like a mess in my head that gets overwhelming at the worst of times. My entire circle have friends has changed completely since last writing; we’ve also moved area and basically have this completely fresh, new life I’m still trying to figure out. I definitely need to prioritise finding myself again and uncovering the happy person I used to be. I don’t want to make this all doom and gloom – I’m honestly thinking out loud and hoping to find some inspiration.

For now, Nutella is the answer!

Faye

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Hello, June & 100 Questions

Hiya,

I have talked pretty much non-stop over the last few years about how quickly time seems to be passing – the hours blending into days, months, and growing into years. It’s actually ridiculous how quickly time can slip away, and before you know it, one, three, ten years, have gone by, and you haven’t even begun on everything you wanted to do.
2015, I found, was a year of growth for me more than ever before: I faced high school, my sexuality, bullying, wrote two books, and so much more; it was a year I truly believe has shaped me more than ever before, a year that has forced me develop the most. It was also the year I began home-education and began working towards my psychology diploma, which I will have by the end of this month – psychology being something I didn’t even know I had such a passion for at the beginning of 2015.
I have strived for 2016 to be a year just like 2015: with some struggles, and yet allowing these to shape me; however, I found that 2016, so far, has been one of the most difficult years yet. Right from the end of January, already absolutely awful things were happening, and only recently has it all calmed down.
I hope, and I believe, that June is going to be a positive month for me, with success, new relationships, and happiness coming my way. I am very looking forward to it beginning ♥

So around this time last year, I saw the 100 Questions No One Asks tag absolutely everywhere on the Internet. I probably seem crazy for doing it this late on, but I found some of the questions absolutely hilarious and have wanted to do it myself for ages, but had no way of doing it!
In case anyone isn’t familiar with this tag, the idea is literally what it says in the title: you are asked 100 questions that wouldn’t cross anyone’s mind to ask (apart from if you’re like me, who literally says the first thing she thinks of. Right hand on my heart, I asked my mum how she would react if I told her I was pregnant by a secret 40-year-old lover yesterday).
So, here it is: the 100 Questions No One Asks tag!

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
I don’t have a closet, but I sleep with my bedroom door shut.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
Nope, but there’s an idea…

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Out – only because I don’t tuck them in to start with!

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
Nope, what would you do with it when you got home?

5. Do you like to use post-it notes?
I think they’re awesome, but for some reason never use them… I am a failure.

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
Nope, I am awful with coupons and discounts: I never use them, which is probably down to my awful memory.

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
Definitely the bear.

8. Do you have freckles?
I do! I used to hate them when I was younger but I don’t mind them now.

9. Do you always smile for pictures?
Sometimes – if it’s a selfie then it depends, but if someone is taking one of me I smile. I don’t want to be seen doing a duck pout all over Facebook if I don’t know what I look like!

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Reading and not replying to my texts. I die inside every time.

11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
Pfft, as if! (I make 684 one way on my morning runs.)

12. Have you ever peed in the woods?
Nope, but I have peed in the ocean, if that helps 🙂

13. What about pooped in the woods?
Right, that’s crossing the line.

14. Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?
I actually don’t! I used to think my mum was going crazy when she did, and then I realised most people do it.

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
Pen caps – not pencils!

16. How many people have you slept with this week?
Funny.

17. What size is your bed?
Single – I am unloved.

18. What is your Song of the week?
Into You by Ariana Grande.

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
NO! WHY!?

20. Do you still watch cartoons?
As if I still watch cartoons. I definitely don’t sit and watch My Little Pony when my sister has gone upstairs and left it on.

21. What’s your least favorite movie?
Black Swan. Why does everyone love it? It’s a poor excuse for ‘one of the best films of all time’.

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
Why couldn’t I just hide it? Why does it have to be buried?

23. What do you drink with dinner?
Usually water, but I’ll have apple juice if I’m eating out.

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
I’m vegetarian, so it’d be a bit of a waste if a dipped one in anything.

25. What is your favorite food?
The Bird’s trifle you can get where you can make it at home. I have legit asked for it to be my birthday cake this year.

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
I watched The Phantom of the Opera multiple times a day when I was four, and I don’t think that love will ever die. We’re in a long-term relationship.

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you?
My cat. (Is this supposed to make me feel more single than I already am?)

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
For someone who has a phobia of open water, has only climbed a tree once, and describes raft building on a school trip as ‘one of the worst days of her life’, Girl Scouts would have been suicide for me.

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Well, that escalated from Girl Scouts! It would honestly depend. I am a private person but if it was for a good cause, I would.

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
Oh, wow… Probably when I wrote fanmail to my favourite author at the time six years ago.

31. Can you change the oil on a car?
What do you think?!

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Nope, I am twelve, but I can totally see that would happen to me. Several times.

33. Ran out of gas?
^ See above answer.

34. Favorite kind of sandwich?
Ready Salted Walker’s crisp sandwiches. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it; it is honestly the best thing since my birth.

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast?
My own French toast. Sorry not sorry.

36. What is your usual bedtime?
I’m usually asleep on weekdays around 9:00 (I’m a lightweight, I know), and I usually go to bed around 10 – 11 on weekends.

37. Are you lazy?
Lazy is something I am not. I haven’t got the time!

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
Literally a witch. Every year. I broke the cycle two years ago and was a devil fairy – very normal for me.

39. What is your Chinese astrological sign?
A sheep. I’m not sure how to feel about that.

40. How many languages can you speak?
Three: English, some French and Sarcasm.

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Nopedy nope, but that doesn’t stop a load of shit coming into my email daily.

42..Which are better: legos or lincoln logs?
LEGO BABY!

43. Are you stubborn?
You’d have to ask my mum.

44. Who is better…Leno or Letterman?
Who now?

45. Ever watch soap operas?
Yaaaasss! The Only Way is Essex is one of my not-so-guilty pleasures.

46. Afraid of heights?
A bit.

47. Sing in the car?
No, but I’ll get back to you on that once I have my own car.

48. Dance in the shower?
No – something else EVERYONE does but I think is crazy! Who sings in the shower, too?

49. Dance in the car?
See Question 47.

50. Ever used a gun?
No, but I imagine it to be quite exhilarating. Bucket list!

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
Last time I was in school, so around a year ago?

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Duh! That’s what makes them so amazing.

53. Is Christmas stressful?
It wasn’t until Father Christmas didn’t exist anymore and you realised by January your bank account had 4p on it.

54. Ever eat a pierogi?
How do you even pronounce that?

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?
FRUIT SHOULD NEVER BE IN DESSERTS.

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
I wanted to be an editor because my mum was.

57. Do you believe in ghosts?
Not ‘ghosts’ as such: I believe in God, spirits, reincarnation, magick, faeries, and an afterlife.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
No, but it’s actually something I want to look into.

59. Take a vitamin daily?
Nope – I only used to take them when it was acceptable to have the ones that tasted like sweets.

60. Wear slippers?
Slipper socks – slippers drive me nuts!

61. Wear a bath robe?
Only before I get in the shower – I get far too hot.

62. What do you wear to bed?
In the Summer pyjama pants and a vest top; every other day of the year is my Christmas onesie, baby! Even if it’s April.

63. First concert?
5 Seconds of Summer – I honestly think the band is crap, but the atmosphere was amazing!

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
I live in the UK.

65. Nike or Adidas?
Neither – I’m not huge on brands.

66.Cheetos Or Fritos?
See Question 64.

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Neither – nuts all need to go (apart from where Nutella is concerned), and sunflower seeds are made for growing sunflowers, Einstein.

68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
No, is that bad?

69. Ever take dance lessons?
I am the most uncoordinated person on the planet. I literally cannot even do a rolly poly.

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
Taking care of me. Obviously.

71. Can you curl your tongue?
No! My genes suck.

72. Ever won a spelling bee?
No. It haunts me every day.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Yes, when my mum got married to my step-dad. He turned out to be a dick and a half.

74. Own any record albums?
Record albums? I wasn’t born in the 80’s – although I wish I was, TBH.

75. Own a record player?
No but I really really want a vintage one.

76. Regularly burn incense?
I’m an old lady when it comes to candles. Especially with cinnamon, vanilla, and any kind of sweet-treat scented kinds.

77. Ever been in love?
My bed is a close contender.

78. Who would you like to see in concert?
Oh God, there’s a list: Ariana Grande, Rihanna, The Black Eyed Peas, Little Mix… the list could go on!

79. What was the last concert you saw?
5SOS – turns out that’s actually the only concert I’ve been to. I was supposed to go to a Maroon 5 concert last year but Adam Levine decided to get a throat infection. Knob.

80.Hot tea or cold tea?
My British heart dies a bit inside whenever someone mentions cold tea. What is the world coming to?

81. Tea or coffee?
It completely depends: both give me cramps (I don’t deal with caffeine well). I would choose a Starbucks Frappuccino over tea any day, but any other type of coffee is a no-go.

82. Sugar or snickerdoodles?
Snickerdoodles?!! Now I’m starting to wonder if I’ve been living under a rock my whole life.

83.Can you swim well?
I am scared of water – so, no, I’m not the most gifted swimmer.

84.Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
I know these questions were supposed to be ones that nobody asks, but what kind of excuse of a question is that?!

85. Are you patient?
Nope! While we’re on this topic, I have to throw out there that I hate kids. Call me Scrooge, but screaming, snotty noses and bum-wiping duty aren’t exactly what I dream of doing.

86. DJ or band at a wedding?
Band – more personal! Although if Ruby Rose offered to DJ at my wedding there’d be no contest there. There’d probably be no  wedding, actually, as I’d marry her instead.

87.Ever won a contest?
When I was about five, I won ‘the silliest dance’ contest. Life goals.

88. Ever have plastic surgery?
No.

89. Which are better black or green olives?
OLIVES? Who would eat those?

90. Can you knit or crochet?
No, but being honest, I would love to get into it.

91. Best room for a fireplace?
The living room.

92. Do you want to get married?
Yes, because I want to make a vow to be someone’s slave forever.

93. If married, how long have you been married?
Just gone six years on the 18th of May – my cat and I’s relationship keeps getting stronger.

94. Who was your HS crush?
Considering I’m only in Y8, I’ll say my ‘childhood’ crush so far was someone in my class called Luke. I wrote a Valentine to him and everything, and then I got shot down. Heartbroken since eight years old.

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
I did cry last month because my mum wouldn’t buy me a massive pink unicorn teddy. It was beautiful.

96. Do you have kids?
I find I have to babysit my best friend Mahalia often. She’s the most annoying child I’ve ever known.

97. Do you want kids?
See Question 85.

98. What’s your favorite color?
Purple, but I’m a fan of anything pastel.

99. Do you miss anyone right now?
I do.

100. Did you watch Next Great American Band on FOX?
Well that’s a crappy finale. No, I didn’t.

Well, there you have it: 100 things about me you probably didn’t know before!

Faye xx

Writing Blues & Workouts

Hiya,

For the past two weeks or so, the days have gone by in a blur: with a visit to the North-West of France, last-minute psychology revision and friendship-related dramas, it’s taken me some time to slow down and fall back into my usual routine.
Which, of course, means blogging!

During the past three weeks (0r sometime around then), I’ve been slowly but surely stressing more and more with my ever-nearing deadline for my book, The Key Keeper; this being the fourth book I will have had published, I am familiar with the daunting sensation of having a deadline, and yet the fear doesn’t really dissipate – no matter how many times I go through the process!
My second book I wrote and the first book in my series, The Friendship Flame, was, to say the least, a bit of a nightmare to write: although I adore it when the words flow from my fingertips and, of course, when it all comes to a close and the success arrives, I was a lot younger and didn’t truly understand the importance of a deadline and keeping up a fanbase: for the duration of three years, I pushed the deadline further and further back, procrastinating and putting it off as much as possible. It was incredible to write, and never would I take it back, but it is still a very scary process for someone so young!
Even years later, I find that working under the pressure of a deadline is not where my strengths lie: I panic, my mind seems to shut down, and I try to pretend that it doesn’t exist. This, I realise, is a habit I need to break, a fear I need to face: to calm, clear my mind, and just write.
This blog helps so much in this area, which is an advantage I hadn’t even realised would come about: somehow writing about my thoughts, no matter how trivial, gloomy, or overall ridiculous, helps me so much.

Moving on to something I really want to continue dedicating myself to is working out; I know with skies becoming bluer and more days suitable for swimwear arriving, this is most likely something everyone says at this time of year, and yet only follow through with for two or three weeks at a maximum.
However, for the past six months or so, I have been super-dedicated to working out, toning up, and overall upping my health; I have been sometimes using the app Freeletics (intense, but gets you results!), some workout programmes, and, of course, something I absolutely love to do: running. Usually running in a rural area near me for about 2 miles and doing a basic abs workout, I am already seeing results, which I am extremely pleased with!
Where my diet is concerned, I have promised to myself I will not watch what I eat: already being very small in build and having experienced it before, it takes all possible enjoyment out of a workout routine for me, and leaves me with immense cravings which eventually push me to binge – the recipe for disaster!
I just want to quickly mention that I am not, in any way shape or form, trying to lose any weight; I have no excess weight that I need to lose, and I am aware that if attempted at my age, intentionally losing weight can be a slippery slope. I am genuinely looking to have a bit of toning and, most of all, to become fitter and to become more capable fitness-wise. This is something, to my surpise, I have found I have a passion for: leading and teaching a healthy lifestyle, through both mental and physical aspects!

th8F15ZS3H

So, what next?
My plans for this week include home ed, regular trips to the gym, and a cinema trip on Thursday with the mother. I am also going to attempt writing this week – fingers crossed for positive results!

Faye xx

 

Bisexuality: Fact or Fiction?

Sexuality: this is the main topic for of my next book, and is currently the main topic of my life.
I wondered whether I should speak of this on my blog: what with it being public, somewhat of a taboo subject for some, and likely to offend several, I considered that this would be a risky post. However, upon beginning this blog, I promised myself two things: 1. That I would let this blog be an escape, and 2. That I would write about what is on my mind, truthfully, without hesitation. And so, with the sun setting outside and a million thoughts on my mind, this is my take on my own personal situation.

Let’s go way back: to when I was younger, to when we dream of our Prince Charmings whisking us away onto their white horses, galloping into the sunset with promises of love and Happy Ever After. I would (like most us!) sit and watch Disney films and wonder what my future husband would look like: how he would court me and open doors for me, buy me flowers and kiss me goodnight.
And yet, I knew a separate part of me was different: I would look at older women and feel fascinated by their bodies and mannerisms. Even at that age, I put it down to just idolising: I just wanted to be like them, to have breasts and wear dresses and wear makeup. This further reinforces a sad aspect of childhood: that we are so overcome with pressure and stereotypes, a lot of the time we don’t even consider exploring elements of ourselves that feel different.

So, from around the ages of 4 to 10, I completely discarded my thoughts over women: I crushed on boys, I found male celebrities I was attracted to, and even had a couple of boyfriends. I was just like all the other girls: not what I consciously aspired to be, but I at least wanted to fit in.

So, let’s now turn back time to around 1.5 years ago: when I joined high school, and was opened up to the world of social media. Very quickly, I found a familiar feeling resurfacing: a fascination with women I couldn’t shake. It wasn’t long until Ruby Rose’s Break Free video was practically breaking the Internet, and it just snowballed from there.

Since then, I have explored my sexuality and paid more attention to it than ever before – something I feel like I am now mentally ready to do, with the knowledge that I will be judged, knocked, and left behind by some people; people who, ultimately, wouldn’t deserve a relationship with me anyhow to walk away from someone because of the sex they’re attracted to.

Last Summer, I went through a phase where I thought I was completely gay: in some ways, I kind of forgot men exist! Even if those feelings weren’t accurate, I am still grateful that I went through that period, as I feel like that period truly opened my eyes and allowed me to embrace what I felt at the time.

And now? I can, in complete honesty, say that I am unsure where I stand: I at least know for a fact that I am not completely heterosexual (i.e. straight), and that I am most definitely attracted to girls, on a physical and emotional level; with guys, I am truly perplexed. If somebody at this moment is to say to me, ‘What sexuality are you?’, I would answer ‘bisexual’, as I do know I am attracted to both sexes. On the other hand, there seems to be something more there, something I can’t put my finger on that ‘bisexual’ cannot really cover.

My feelings on the situation are summed up by something one of my favourite singers, Elly Jackson, a.k.a. La Roux, once said during an interview:

I don’t have a sexuality. I don’t belong to the gay or straight society, if there is such a thing. I feel like I’m capable of falling in love with other people. I’m not saying I’m bisexual, I’m just sexual!

My thoughts on it all are very muddled. As of now, I plan to not plan: I want to live impulsively in this area, and if I feel attracted to somebody, male or female, and would like to pursue on a relationship, I will do it. I rebel against labels; people seem to need an answer, a label, when it comes to sexuality, but for me? I just think everybody should embrace what they are feeling right now: not what they have felt before, not what they may feel in the future.

A question I get asked often that will never fail to make me want to bang my head against the nearest wall is: ‘But you’re so young! How do you know at your age? It’ll just be a phase; you’ll change your mind.’

Why do people feel the need to ask this? Yes, it may be a phase: that is a possibility, and I am aware this kind of thought process is very common during adolescence. Does that make me stop feeling how I feel now? In my mind, these are my emotions. Are all of your millions of thoughts a day true? And, similarly, are they all false?

The message I want to get across in this post is that, as clichéd as it is, we should all love ourselves: whether that be our hair colour, our personality, or our sex preference, we should all do what feels right in the now: otherwise, we will all evolve into the carbon copy of one another: no quirks, no originality,  no personality.

I want us all to look in the mirror, and feel only positive things: be happy in the person you are. The gospel truth of it all is that you cannot change anything, so why try? Be true to yourself; at the end of the day, you only have yourself to own up to.

Faye xx

 

Cherry Blossom & Bluebird Skies

Hiya,

After beginning this blog, I have felt nothing but inspired: I want to be taking my days from the roots, feeling grateful for the air I breathe and the life I lead. As a way to begin this new journey, I yesterday took some time to sit, relax, and bathe in the very rare British sunshine!
For anyone from a country with even a slightly warmer climate than the UK (which, lets be real, isn’t very difficult!), then it may be hard to relate that 16° – and sunny! – pretty much calls for barbecues, swimsuits, and a whole load of mock/cocktails! It’s crazy how much the sun lifts my mood; her a sneak peek of my day:

13162290_1023778494375779_2045554949_nOur beautiful bunny Maisie: her second time playing outside since becoming Mummy to three one-month-old babies ♥

13101550_1023778507709111_1450076669_nDandelions, tulips and holly bushes

13162120_1023778524375776_1649772854_nMultitasking at its best: sunbathing and reading an amazing book

13101110_1023778541042441_202287839_nAnd a close-up of our cherry blossom tree: by far my favourite part of our garden!

The day fell into evening with my mum and I heading out to one of our favourite restaurants; I didn’t take any pictures here, but I can assure you the strawberry milkshakes are incredible!

So what am I going to be doing today? The original plan was the mandatory for a Sunday afternoon: psychology revision (I’m nearly at the stage of receiving a diploma!), chores, and reading; however, the plans may have slightly altered as the weather is stunning again today! Hopefully lots of sunbathing, reading, and memory-making are on the cards.

I have a little something planned for my next post: something a little more on the serious side, and yet something I feel the need to discuss!

For now, I will soak up the sun and be whisked away in the moments.

Faye xx

Hello, World!

Hiya!

I am familiar with this feeling: staring at a blank page and being unsure what to begin with! I feel as though many of us deal with this conundrum: knowing the point you want to get across, and yet being unsure how to begin.
As you will probably already know if you have seen my What There Is to Know page (which, if you haven’t, you should definitely check out!), my aim in this blog is to not have an aim. Because I spend so much of my ‘free’ time doing work, work, work, I simply want this blog to be an escape for me, somewhere to just let go and not worry about any boundaries. I want to talk about anything and everything that is on my mind: political issues, writing, current problems/good things in my life, and books (which, to be honest, will probably pop up a lot – to say the least, I am obsessed!).
As a (very young!) published writer who is home-educated – not forgetting that I am just a general workaholic – I usually find myself with  a TON of things on my to-do list, and so I kinda feel like I need this escape! For years now, I can only remember pressuring myself to do better, work harder, push my own limit: what I hope is for this blog to allow me to take my foot off the gas a little and to just let go!
This blog won’t be either a positive or a negative blog: I want this to be both realistic and non-realistic, logical and scattered! This will be like my own online scrapbook of thoughts, dreams, ramblings, and everything in-between!
I invite everyone to come along on this rollercoaster ride with me: I have a very, very good feeling about this!

Faye xx

P.S. Please ignore some of the AWFUL formatting, etc… I’m still getting used to the settings, but hopefully it’ll  only be temporary!